


no doubt in my mind (where you belong)

by earthquakedream



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:18:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthquakedream/pseuds/earthquakedream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve gets called away on a mission. He's completely, utterly calm. At least on the outside. He can't let his team know what's really going on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	no doubt in my mind (where you belong)

**Author's Note:**

> Started writing this for an angst challenge but it didn't quite hit the right notes. Very minor spoilers up through 2x19, but takes place in the near future. Not beta read because this was just a fun spur-of-the-moment thing. Let me know if there's any mistakes!

Steve had been waiting for this day. Maybe not consciously, but when he got the call it felt inevitable. He sounded calm when he told Captain Braun that he'd report to Hickham and he looked calm when he left his office. He checked his reflection twice just to make sure. 

His team was in the conference room with beers and take out, celebrating their latest closed case. It had been an easy one - no one even got shot at, much to Danny's delight. He was glad they weren't in the middle of something or he'd have to let go of his calm facade to feel guilt. 

"What's up, Boss?" Kono said. Chin held a beer out to him and Steve shook his head. 

"I'm gonna have to go somewhere for a while." Steve crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Is this gonna be like North Korea?" Danny asked, looking at him calmly. 

"No," Steve said. He felt himself relax, just a little. "This is a Navy-sanctioned mission. They need my expertise."

"What exactly is your expertise again, Steven?"

Steve ignored him. Snapping _it's classified_ like he wanted to wasn't going to lead to anything but an argument and he couldn't afford to let himself go like that. 

Chin gave him a single nod. "We'll keep things running smoothly while you're gone."

Kono reached out and slapped him on the arm. "Just come back in one piece, huh?"

Danny's expression wasn't the same mix of worry and determination Chin and Kono were wearing. He just looked contemplative. "And if you manage that, babe, make sure you're also breathing. We'll also take you back entirely undamaged, if you can manage that."

"I'll try my best but I'm not making any promises," Steve told him. His arms fell away from his chest and before he knew what was happening, Kono was up and hugging him. 

Steve wasn't sure how to react, so he just hugged her back. He hadn't been expecting this and it was fucking with his calm, but it wasn't _bad_. 

Kono stepped away after a moment, clearing her throat and grinning at him like it wasn't a big deal. Steve smiled back, small but genuine. 

Chin came over and gave him a quick, black-slapping hug that lasted less than a second. Then his hand came down on Steve's shoulder and squeezed hard. 

Danny got up next and reached a hand out. Steve blinked at it. They'd hugged before, after that time Danny nearly died, so he'd been expecting something more than just a _handshake_. But if he said anything, the calmness he was trying to affect would be ruined. 

Steve took Danny's hand. Danny squeezed firmly, looking at Steve like he was trying to memorize him. 

"You're in charge," Steve said. Danny let go and stepped back. Steve lifted his eyes to take in his whole team. "Aloha, you guys."

He walked away without looking back. He got into his truck and drove home. 

The calmness started to shatter the further he got from headquarters. He didn't think any of them had caught on to the fact that Steve was saying more than just goodbye. 

When he finished packing a bag with everything he needed, he made sure there was a list of necessary numbers on the fridge and his keys were all labeled and left out on the table. He closed every window, unplugged every electronic, turned off the water and gas.

Steve wasn't much for sentimentality, but he made sure to leave a message on his sister's voicemail letting her know he loved her. She was in the air and wouldn't get it until he was far off the grid. 

He wasn't thinking all that clearly when he sent his last text, but whatever semblance of calm he'd had earlier was completely destroyed. 

_To: Danny Williams  
Make sure Gracie knows I love her._

Steve turned his phone off and left it on the table next to his keys. 

Before he locked the house up, he took one last look around, breathing in deep. This was going to be the last time he'd ever--

"Are you _serious_?"

Steve had his gun out and aimed at the source of the voice before his mind recognized who it was. Danny didn't flinch at all, just stared Steve down. 

After taking a deep breath, Steve tucked his gun away. "When did you figure it out?"

"When you came in there all shut down like a robot, I knew something big was going down, but it wasn't until Kono hugged you... your face changed, Steven, like you never wanted that moment to end. That's why I didn't hug you. I wanted to see how you would react. A handshake for a simple _see you later_ kinda goodbye, that's normal. But you weren't saying _see you later_ , were you?"

"No," Steve said. 

Danny shook his head and walked closer, pinned Steve to his locked door with just a single finger pressed to the middle of his chest. He didn't understand how Danny could loom even when Steve had to look down at him. 

"I've been waiting for this, you know? Ever since you took down Wo Fat... it was just one less reason you needed to keep yourself alive. And now you finally have your chance, huh? What is it, McGarrett? Is it a suicide mission? Are you gonna die for your country like a good SEAL?"

Steve struggled not shove Danny away and pin him to the ground with his arms behind his back. It was pure reaction when someone was in his face. But it was Danny, and Danny wasn't a threat, and most importantly: Danny was right. 

Danny must have seen it in his face because his expression was furious. "You've got to be _kidding_ me. What makes you think that's okay? Just because you've finally avenged your parents death, you wanna die?"

"I don't want to die," Steve snapped.

"Right," Danny said, "that's why you're saying goodbye without having the balls to actually say it. You don't want to die at all, that's why you told me to tell my daughter you love her. I bet you have everything all organized in there to make it easier for us to take care of things after you die, huh? I bet you took the coward's way out and left a message for your sister saying goodbye."

Steve looked away, swallowing past the guilt rising in his throat. Danny grabbed onto his collar and _shook_ him. 

"Let me tell you something right now, _Commander_. You don't get to do this. Just because you've finished with the mission that's driven you since we became a team doesn't mean you get to fuck off like the last two and a half years meant _nothing_! We're your family, aren't we? Grace has said we're _ohana_ ever since we watched Lilo  & Stitch. Or was that a lie?"

"Danny, please," Steve tried, but Danny didn't listen, just yanked at his collar until he and Steve were eye-level. 

"You do not get to go die for your country when you have people here counting on you. You're not the only guy out there with a certain set of skills. You're not the only one who can do this job."

"Whoever takes it is going to have a family too, Danno." 

Danny gave him a hard smile. "That's not your problem. Call whoever you need to so this goes away, okay? You're staying."

Steve could argue, but he didn't really want to.

When he told Captain Braun that something had come up and he couldn't take the mission after all, Braun just sighed. 

"I wasn't expecting you to take the job in the first place, Commander. I know you have something good going for you right now."

Steve wished Braun had said that to start with. It would have saved him a lot of trouble. 

Problem was, Steve had already said his goodbyes in his own way. So when he went back around his house, turning on the water and gas, plugging things back in, tucking the list of numbers and the labeled keys away, dropping his bag in his room... he felt this complete disconnect. 

Danny pressed a beer into his hand and they sat on the couch together. 

"Do Chin and Kono know?"

"They know you. What do you think?"

They knew. Steve opened his beer and leaned back, staring at the blank screen. 

"What do I do now, Danny?"

Danny looked over at him. There was a soft, indulgent smile on his face. 

"You do your job. You keep this island safe for the people who live here, for the stupid tourists who come every day, for your family. For Grace. Just like I do. Just like Chin and Kono do."

Steve nodded. He couldn't quite meet Danny's eyes. He focused on picking the label off his bottle instead. 

"And at the end of the day, you kick back on the beach and you watch the sun go down or the sun come up, depending on when we manage to finish whatever case we're working, and you look at that beautiful view and remember why you do this."

"Why's that?" Steve asked. His voice was barely above a whisper. 

Danny's smile grew. "Because we love you, you goof."

Steve smiled back. "Guess I'm pretty lucky to have you guys."

"Damn right you are." Danny's beer tapped against Steve's. They each took a sip, then Danny grabbed the remote and turned on the TV. 

"Think the Knicks are playing tonight," Steve said.

"Yeah? They'll win."

"You don't even know who they're playing!"

"Doesn't matter! They're gonna win. Just you wait."


End file.
